Years ago, a young couple, who
were in a lot of trouble, came in for counseling. From a sheer human
perspective, it seemed very unlikely that they could hold their marriage
together. She had committed serious adultery producing a chasm of pain
between them that neither of them could traverse. The one glimmer of hope
was that their pastor had led her to faith in Christ before he referred them to
me and the husband was already a believer.
After listening to their
heartbreaking story, I asked them the questions we often ask couples with
marital problems, "Do you want your marriage to work?" and "Are
you willing to let God work in your lives to do whatever it takes to heal your
marriage?" They both answered "Yes".
There was much to help them
with over the next few months. One was the need to forgive Biblically
based on the Gospel. We spent a lot of time understanding that the good
news of the Gospel meant that Jesus had died for every sin they had committed,
including her adultery and his lack of loving leadership. For example,
Colossians 2:13 says, "When you were dead in your sins and in the
uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all
our sins." Please notice that we have been forgiven
(past tense) for all of our sins. The challenge is twofold. First,
do we believe God has forgiven each sin, especially that one we are so ashamed
of, such as adultery? Second, have we forgiven ourselves for that sin?
Some balk at the idea of
forgiving ourselves saying it isn't Biblical. However, loving our
neighbor as we love ourselves includes forgiving ourselves just as we would our
neighbor. And more importantly, forgiving ourselves is rooted in God's forgiveness
of us. Since he has forgiven us, we can forgive ourselves. In fact,
it is prideful not to forgive ourselves since God has already forgiven
us! Colossians 2:14 says, He canceled the record that contained the
charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's
cross.
When I challenged the husband
to make a list of everyone and to Biblically forgive, I have to admit that I
was surprised to hear from him that the person he struggled to forgive the most
was not his wife, but himself. It took him several weeks before he was
ready to forgive himself. Wow! But once he did, even his face
looked different because the burden of unforgiveness towards himself had
lifted.
Why don't you affirm this week
that Jesus died for every one of your sins by sitting down with God and
forgiving yourself. Tell God what you have done and how you feel about
yourself, then forgive yourself. You'll be glad you did!
Live Free In Christ,
Mark Maulding, President and Founder
www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding
