Dealing with Feeling Shame

   Shame is sometimes confused with the feeling of guilt. Guilt is the realization we have done something wrong. Shame is a feeling of deep angst in the recesses of our soul. Because of our mistake, our sin or someone else's sin, we wish we could evaporate away from being so embarrassed. It is fueled by the belief that there must be something really wrong with us to have done something like ________.

   When I was in junior high school, we had a pep rally for the basketball team of which I was a part. I was placed under a blanket with my legs crossed during the entire pep rally until just before the end. At that moment, I was supposed to jump up and throw the blanket off and the crowd in the gym was supposed to go wild. What actually happened was that my crossed legs became numb so that when I jumped up and threw the blanket off, I fell down in front of hundreds of a packed gym and could not stand for about a minute. The place erupted with convulsive laughter. Talk about feeling shame!

   On a more serious note, before I knew Christ as my Life, I had some real bondage to lust and pornography. It was my inner secret that I hated. Being married during this time and being in full-time ministry, I definitely felt devastating shame at times.

   Today, I discovered that even in the midst of writing this, I had a place of shame I was unaware of. I made many mistakes parenting one of our kids, who are now all adults. I reluctantly faced those mistakes and sins a few years ago when Ellen lovingly told me what I was doing. I had asked for her forgiveness and my child's. And God began to change me in this area as Christ lived through me. Yet, there it was today as Ellen and I talked about that child. Shame was lurking in the shadows of my mind having hidden there for years. I had not recognized it until our conversation. Thank you God for your love in revealing this as I was writing this!

   How does God want us to deal with our shame? For me, I immediately remembered that Jesus had already forgiven me for these parental sins and mistakes. Though I told Him a long time ago that I was sorry for these sins, today I said, "Jesus I accept your forgiveness for them". We know that when Jesus died on the cross for us, we were forgiven for every sin - past, present and future. Colossians 2:13, "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins". NLT Next, I forgave myself by saying, "Mark, I forgive you for the mistakes you made with ______." Why? We are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Mark 12:31 Finally, I acknowledged to God by faith that Jesus' death on the cross has already removed my shame. 1 Peter 2:6, "For it is contained in Scripture, "See, I am placing on Mount Zion a Cornerstone, chosen, and held in honor, and he whose faith rests on Him shall never have reason to feel ashamed." WEY

   How about you? Have you let the good news of the Gospel of grace pluck your shame from your soul? If not, how about settling that right now? Don't let shame have a place in you any longer! Jesus has exchanged your shame with His forgiveness and peace. Why don't you pray something similar to what I prayed above? If you can't get through this or feel shame about something someone else has done to you, please contact us so we can walk with you.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Dealing with Feeling Grief

     As we saw the devastation of people who lost their lives, including the precious children in the Moore, OK tornado, all of our hearts grieved. Regarding grief, Jesus said, "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you". Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. Matthew 5:4 (The Message) Jesus promises to embrace and comfort us when we grieve. Sometimes we struggle to allow ourselves to grieve which only delays experiencing His comfort.

   When our daughter, Bekah, was born with Down syndrome, Ellen and I grieved for days. Why? Because we had lost a perfect child and there is no cure for people born with that extra chromosome added to the 21 pair.

   Grieving is the deep feeling of loss. It can be the loss of a friendship, our health, a family relationship, someone we loved who died, a child's future, our marriage, a healthy child, all or most of our finances, virginity, the love of a parent, and more.

   Everyone grieves, but we don't have to stay stuck there. Jesus said in our grief that He can meet us and comfort us like no one else can. He comforts us often by what He says to us and His presence in us as our Life.

   A couple of days after our daughter, Bekah, with Down syndrome, was born, I was grieving deeply as I rocked her in my arms. I kept asking God "Why?" He gently spoke a verse of scripture to me that I had not memorized. "The LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?" Exodus 4:11. The Lord was saying to me, "I am Sovereign and I am the One who made Bekah with Down syndrome." He was exhorting me to trust Him. That was the beginning of Jesus comforting me and working me through my grief. Later, He reminded me that Jesus is my Life, not a healthy child. That is when my grief was replaced with His comfort.

   Another time, our family was at a lunch for our church small group. One of our boys accidentally kicked another of our sons in the eye when they were wrestling. I spoke with him rather sternly about how dangerous it was to kick someone in the eye. Later, when all of the families were ready to leave, this son was nowhere to be found. We were meeting in our church building and we searched everywhere. Finally, he came walking around the building because he had been hiding in the back. I grieved that he had chosen to respond like that. Yet, as we were leaving, I turned to Ellen and said, "I sure am glad we don't get our identity from our children." You see, in my grief for our son, I was reminded that my identity is in Christ.

   Are you grieving today? Have you let yourself grieve? Jesus in you will comfort and reveal Himself in you in marvelous ways, if you will let Him walk you through your grief. "For when Christ who is our life shall appear, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory." Colossians 3:4

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding,
President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Dealing with Feeling Worthless

   Worthlessness is a common feeling which plagues many people. It is at its heart an issue of identity and love. Those who struggle with these feelings have often experienced great rejection or failure. For me, I felt worth in high school when I was voted Mr. Osborne High School as a senior. In college, I felt worth when I memorized more scripture than my friends. As a youth pastor, I felt worth when our youth group grew from 30 kids to 100 kids in three years. I felt a lack of worth later, when the church I was starting failed. I felt a lack of worth when I went through years of depression.

   In God's kingdom, worth is determined very differently than what I once thought. Here is an example. If you had a diamond, how would you determine how much it was worth? You would go to the best jeweler in town to get an assessment. If the jeweler said, "I will give you $500,000" for your diamond, you would be very happy realizing how much it is worth. If you wanted to find out how much you were worth, where would you go? Most of us go to the mirror, our past, our performance, our friends, our spouse, our kids, our car, our clothes, our failures or successes, our parents and more. However, the ultimate expert on how much we are personally worth is our Heavenly Father. How much does He think we are worth? When He looks you over, He assesses you and concludes, "I will give my Son Jesus Christ for you." This is, I will give you the most valuable possession I have. Do you see it? We should be very happy since our value is equal to Jesus Christ being given for us! Romans 8:32 says, "He who did not spare his own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?"

   I challenge you to mediate on this reality this week. In fact, you can pray, "Father, because you gave Jesus to show how much I was worth to You, I believe that I have great worth". I pray this leads you into a deeper freedom in your heart and confidence in life. 

   If you want to talk with someone, call our office at 704-5229026 for free counseling consultation.  We offer, face to face, phone and Skype counseling - all confidential.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Dealing with Feeling Regret

   "I wish I had never done that!" "If only I had a redo!" "Every time I think about what I did, my stomach churns!" These are common statements from people who live with regret. All of us, including me, have done things in our lives that we wish we could go back and change. Letting regret control you or depress you is a trick of the enemy. It's like driving your car in reverse every day!

   How does God's grace take care of our regrets? Jesus has already paid for our past, present and future sins according to Colossians 2:13. That means our Father has forgiven us for ALL our sins. We need then to also forgive ourselves for past sins we've committed and past mistakes we have made. You may protest, "You don't know what I have done!" You are right, I don't but our sovereign God knew what you were going to do and Jesus died for that. We certainly don't want to make our standard for forgiveness higher than God's!

   We need to realize because of our death, burial and resurrection with Christ, our past failures do not define us. God's grace defines us as a gift through our faith in Christ. We may fail but we are not failures. Instead, we are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us! Romans 8:37.

   To beat ourselves up because of our failures and those of others we are connected to, is to agree with our enemy. In essence, when we focus on past negative events or failures, we are saying "what I do or don't do defines me". In God's family, what defines us is who our Father is, instead of our enemy, the world, our behavior or our feelings!

   If there is someone we need to go ask forgiveness from because of what we have done, that is something to pray about regarding the timing of it and what to say. One time, I regretted arguing with my neighbor about dust from my kids' bikes landing on his newly pressure washed house. I prayed God would give me the right opportunity to ask for his forgiveness. One morning, when I was walking, there was my neighbor walking his dog on the same sidewalk. It was the perfect situation to ask for his forgiveness so I did. I knew I was not responsible for his response either way, but I did not want to be a barrier to him coming to know Christ since he was not a Christian.

   Also, here are some prayers you can pray often to take away the burden to heal any leftover effects of past regrets. I pray these every week, not so much because of regret, but because I need to be reminded of God's grace. Many others such as pastors, Christian leaders, husbands, wives and more have also been transformed by talking with God in these ways.

"God..."

Because you have forgiven me, I forgive myself for ______________.

Because you say you love me, I love me.

Because you say I am loveable, I say I am loveable

Because you say you accept me, I accept me.

Because you say I am acceptable, I say I am acceptable.

Because you say I have great worth, I say I have great worth.

Because you say I am secure, I say I am secure.

   You can take any of the identity in Christ statements and pray them in a similar way in your times of talking with God all throughout the day.

   We can drown today in the sea of regret or sail on the endless ocean of God's love.

Live Free In Christ,


Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com


All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Dealing with Feeling Entitled

   Have you ever been around someone who always thought you should do more for them no matter how much you did? This is called "entitlement". This person genuinely thinks: "I deserve better;" "I deserve more;" "I deserve to have fun;" "People should take care of me;" "I deserve it all." "And you are obligated to give all of this to me!"

   It's maddening to be around people like this. It doesn't matter that you can't provide what they are asking. A teen may demand that their parents buy them the latest and greatest game system. A husband may demand that his wife tell him how wonderful he is over and over to prove her love for him. A wife may barrage her husband to buy things which she says will make her happy. A friend may demand all of your free time to prove you are a good friend.

   Entitlement is rooted in a lack of contentment, otherwise known as coveting. It is feeling dissatisfied regardless of how much more a person achieves or receives. The Apostle Paul learned over time to be content. He wrote, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:11-13, 19

   What was his secret? It was his union and intimacy with Christ Himself. In Christ, we have been given more than we need. As Chris Tomlin's song says, "All of You is more than enough for all of me. For every thirst and every need." Christ is the fountain of our contentment. Does that mean it is wrong to want things or good relationships? Of course not! God is the One "Who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment." 1 Timothy 6:17. Only when we are content on the inside can we truly enjoy what we have on the outside. That is why we share over and over in our ministry that Christ is our Life. (Colossians3:4)

   Entitlement is sinful. And it is a sin we died to when we died with Christ on the cross and were raised with Him. (Romans 6:6-7) Our identity in Christ is that of a content person. If any of us have been living with an entitlement attitude, feeling as though everyone owes us, even God, it's time to get honest with ourselves and with God. We are living according to the flesh! We agree with God about this and receive the forgiveness that is already ours in Christ. Then we may need to surrender to God our "right" that we deserve more and better.

   If you are living with a person who feels entitled, don't enable them through your codependence. You are not responsible for their happiness. And you can't make them happy any way no matter how much you try to do for them.

   You can rely on your relationship with Christ in you to liberate you from the patterns of entitlement or codependence. Do you want to know whether you feel entitled or even codependent? Complete this sentence. "For me to live is _______________". Any answer other than "Christ" is telling. If you need to talk with someone, one of our counselors can help you, in one of our 5 offices or long distance by Skype. Contact us for a free counseling consultation. 

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding