Why Do We Need to Forgive Those Who Hurt Us the Most?

Many of you may not know that one of my four children has Down syndrome.  Her name is Bekah, and today she is 25. Bekah went to public school in elementary and middle school and was in normal classes and had lots of friends. Later, she attended college.

Many years ago, Bekah wanted to try out for

cheer leading.  My wife and I were amazed at how she learned the routines - jumping in the air, doing splits, and yelling out the cheers. Unfortunately, she did not make the team which was very disappointing for her and us.  She had a really hard time understanding that she could no longer cheer with the other girls.

Soon afterwards, we received a letter from the coach explaining Bekah was not cut from the team because of her disability but because...she kicked, hit, yelled and cussed while in line with the other girls.  We were stunned, no shocked, because Bekah had never exhibited any of those behaviors ever in any situation.  

At a sleepover a few weeks later, which Bekah hosted in our home,  several of the girls who had made the team asked my wife why Bekah had not made the team.  My wife gently told them about the letter.  They all immediately cried out, "Ms. Ellen, that's not true at all.  Bekah didn't do any of those things. In fact, she did great in the tryouts." Ellen called for me and asked me to come hear what the girls were saying. They repeated it all again.

This person had not only lied but had impugned Bekah's character and we were angry!  What had been done to our daughter was dastardly.  The question afterwards was, "What are we going to do about this?"  We knew we could not pull these girls into a dispute with this coach.  So, we had no recourse.  This coach had hurt a person who could not speak up for herself due to her disability and there was nothing we could do about it...except forgive. 

Did this person deserve to be forgiven? Absolutely not.  But we were not going to allow a root of bitterness to grow within us that Hebrews 12:15 warns about.  We were not about to give this person power over our lives.  We were not about to give Satan power over us.  Was it easy?  No! Everything in us cried out for justice but there was none to be had.

So, we trusted Christ in us, the greatest "forgiver" of all time, to live through us so we could forgive. We wanted to live like who we are in Christ, "forgivers", in obedience from the love in our hearts for our Father.  We wanted to "forgive one another just as God had forgiven us in Christ" (Ephesians 4:32) So, we sat before the Lord and poured out to Him our anger, our hurt, and our desire for justice. Then, because God had forgiven us for all our sins we did not deserve to be forgiven for, we forgave this person; meaning, we released the person from the debt we believe they owed us.  In this case, the debt would have been an admission to us and especially to Bekah of the wrong they had done.  

A few weeks later, would you believe that we saw this person at a church we were visiting?  We were both so glad we had been honest with God about the hurts we received from the offense and then chose to forgive. We live free today from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.  Praise God!

How about you?  Do you have someone in you life who doesn't deserve to be forgiven?  Don't give them or Satan power over your life?  Don't live in the prison of unforgiveness.  Live like who you are in Christ and forgive. I believe you will agree that Jesus has forgiven us for a lot more sins in our lives than any of us can comprehend. Besides, unforgiveness goes against our new nature.

Don't allow Satan to use your feelings against you and wait until you feel like forgiving.  If so, you will never forgive.  Do it by faith,not feelings. Go before God and tell Him everything that person did. Tell Him everything you feel about that person and event(s). Then tell Him that just as you did not deserve to be forgiven by Him for your sins, this person doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Tell Him that you choose to release them from what they owe you.  Then ask the Lord to heal you.  It may take some time for your emotions to catch up with your choice to forgive but they eventually will. Let us know if you get stuck and need help from one of our wonderful discipleship counselors. Remember, forgiveness is a gift FOR US from Father to live more freely in Christ!                                            

Believe it! It's the Gospel.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2016 Mark Maulding but feel free to pass it on!

Dealing with Feeling Rejected

   I remember at age 15 finally having the endurance to mow our family lawn in one day. I couldn't wait to show my dad so he would be proud. When he drove up from work, I ran up to the car telling him to look at what I had accomplished. The only thing he said was "You missed a spot". Then he walked in the house. I felt so rejected because of this criticism and many others. (Believing in honoring our father and mother, I got his permission to share this.) Sadly, I inflicted rejection on my wife, also, through criticism the first few years of our marriage. The rejection I grew up with was passed on to my sweet undeserving wife.

   Why do people reject others? It is a symptom of the sins of our own flesh which impact them so negatively. And it often affects the people we care about the most. Romans 8:6 says it this way, "For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace".

   Setting our mind on the flesh is what I call our mental default. We tend to default to how we've learned to cope with life apart from Christ in us no matter how many great sermons we have heard, how much of the Bible we've read or how much we have prayed. This produces "death" in our relationships otherwise known as rejection.

   How can we deal with rejection from others? Sit down with God and be honest about how much the rejection hurt you. Then tell God that you choose to forgive them even if you don't feel like it. When I forgave my dad for the rejection I felt growing up, I found great healing. But there may be a bigger issue at play here. Most of us are hoping that another human being is going to meet our deepest need for acceptance. That is what I was looking for from my dad. That is a faulty focus.

   What if we are the ones rejecting others? We need to confess that to God as sin. But just as important, we need to live confidently in God's unconditional acceptance of us. This is part of what it means to "set your mind on the Spirit". When we consistently believe we are unconditionally accepted by our Heavenly Dad, we will live in and from Christ in us. This is the true source of life and peace. Only then can we express that same unconditional acceptance to the people around us.

   I don't believe God wants us to blame our parents for all of our problems otherwise we will live like we are victims. We are victors in Christ! We can face and forgive the mistakes of our parents or others who have rejected us. Christ in us can catapult us into the destiny God created us for.

   Why don't you pray right now thanking God that He unconditionally accepts you? If you are unsure of this, refer back to my devotion, "Does God Really Accept Us Unconditionally"?

If you are stuck in your feelings of rejection, we can help. For more information, please call us at 704-522-9026 or visit us on the web at www.GraceLifeInternational.com.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

How to Prepare to Be with Your Family for the Holidays

     One Christmas song invites us to go home to be with our family for Christmas because it is the best place in the world. We can't wait to get there. It goes, "There's no place like home for the holidays..."

     This idealistic phantom family lives in Christmas songs but rarely is it seen in real life. In most homes during Christmas, many have ambivalent feelings. Deep within, we want to be with family on Christmas day, but we also know this encounter has the potential for conflict, rejection and pain.

     So how do we prepare to meet our family during the holidays? First, make sure before we pack our bags for the trip, we unpack the baggage in our hearts. The best way to do that is to squarely face the hurts inflicted upon us by anyone we will encounter. To do so, go to your Abba and ask Him to remind you of all the things this person has done to you. While still in prayer, ask Him to show you how that event made you feel. Next, pray, "Father, you forgave me through your Son, Jesus Christ, when I did not deserve it. This person did __________ to me and it made me feel _________. This person does not deserve to be forgiven, but in Christ, my identity is that I am a "forgiver" and I have the Great Forgiver living in me. So, by faith I choose right now to forgive that person whether I feel like it or not." Before you leave that prayer time, take responsibility for your sin of resentment towards that person and confess it to the Lord. Jesus died for your sin of resentment so you can thank Him for forgiving you or ask Him to forgive you. Our Abba's forgiveness is one of our blessings in Christ! (Ephesians 1:7)

     The next preparation you will need to commit yourself to is to pray and tell your Father that you give up the right not to be hurt by this person again. In essence, you are telling God that you are trusting Him to be in control. We see this kind of trust in Jesus life in Phillipians 2. (If you have been abused, this does not mean God approves of that or that you should allow it again.)

     Finally, and foremost, ask Jesus Christ to live His life through you to love the people you will be around during that time. What would happen if you went to all of your holiday gatherings with the attitude that you are showing up to love these people instead of showing up to get them to love you! Jesus says to us, Without Me, you can do nothing!" John 15:5. Depend on Him to live and love through you, including those who may not seem lovable. You cannot determine how they will respond, but that is not your responsibility. However, we are responsible to love people (Romans 13:8).

     I would enjoy hearing from you if you choose to allow God to lead, live and love through you during the holidays.

Until next time remember, He loves you.

Be Free in Christ,

Mark Maulding , President and Founder 
GraceLifeInternational.com

Is Forgiving Yourself Biblical? (Part 2)

   When we ask God for forgiveness or thank Him for our forgiveness for a sin, we do it with confidence that Jesus already died for that sin.  You will never commit a sin Jesus did not already die for. You are not going to surprise your Father one day such that He says, "Oh no!  I forgot to put that sin on the cross!"  Many of us have received God's forgiveness and are at peace with Him. However, we may still be holding a sin against ourself.  In light of this, is forgiving yourself Biblical? 
   Yes!  The second greatest commandment is to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31).   One of your greatest acts of love is to forgive someone.  To love someone as we love ourself would mean we may, at times, need to forgive ourself.  Many people are disappointed with themselves.  Others are angry with themselves.  Some actually hate themselves. Sometimes we need to forgive ourself for a sin God has already forgiven.  Other times, we need to forgive ourself for a mistake we made, though it was not a sin like when I wrecked my car on a father/son weekend two years ago.  Forgiving ourself may be one of the most difficult things we ever do.  
    A young married man I mentored took four weeks to forgive many people from his past and present.  He forgave himself last because he noted he was the most difficult person to forgive.  Yet, he's never been the same.  I wish you could have seen the before and after expression on his face!  God has provided our complete forgiveness in Christ but have we fully forgiven ourselves where needed?  If not, our standard for forgiveness is higher than God's. Do it today!

   Until next time remenber, He loves us.