Forgiveness and Reconciliation Aren't The Same

I remember the first time I bowed my head and prayed for God to show me the people He wanted me to forgive. The Holy Spirit led me very specifically to write down with pen and pad several names.   I forgave each person but soon began to ask myself. "Does this mean I have to reconcile with some of these people?"   I've found through the years, that my question is a very serious one asked by many. Without a Biblical answer, it can stop some in their tracks preventing them from forgiving.

It's helpful to remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. Forgiveness is something God always wants us to do according to Ephesians 4:32. "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." NASB  Reconciliation, is another matter.

Reconciliation is always God's heart for two people but is not always possible because it takes both to make it work. This is true even of God and people. He has done everything necessary for us to be reconciled to Him. 2 Corinthians 5:20 "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." NASB However, someone's reconciliation with God will never happen unless a person is willing to admit their need for Jesus and place their faith in Him.

There are essential elements, if reconciliation is to take place between two people.

1. Both parties must see a need to reconcile.
2. Both parties must be willing to reconcile.
3. Both parties must take responsibility for their part of the problem.
4. Both parties must admit to what they didto the other person.
5. Both parties must be willing to work on their part of the relationship.
6. One or both parties must give time for trust to be rebuilt.

Because our identity is in Christ, our new heart's deepest desire is to reconcile with another person. Being willing to do so is living from that new heart.   It might help to review the essential elements to see if we are ready on our side to pursue reconciliation, if it is possible. 

 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."  Romans 12:18 NASB

Believe it. It's the Gospel!

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 
www.GraceLifeInternational.com 
All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Dealing with Feeling Rejected

   I remember at age 15 finally having the endurance to mow our family lawn in one day. I couldn't wait to show my dad so he would be proud. When he drove up from work, I ran up to the car telling him to look at what I had accomplished. The only thing he said was "You missed a spot". Then he walked in the house. I felt so rejected because of this criticism and many others. (Believing in honoring our father and mother, I got his permission to share this.) Sadly, I inflicted rejection on my wife, also, through criticism the first few years of our marriage. The rejection I grew up with was passed on to my sweet undeserving wife.

   Why do people reject others? It is a symptom of the sins of our own flesh which impact them so negatively. And it often affects the people we care about the most. Romans 8:6 says it this way, "For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace".

   Setting our mind on the flesh is what I call our mental default. We tend to default to how we've learned to cope with life apart from Christ in us no matter how many great sermons we have heard, how much of the Bible we've read or how much we have prayed. This produces "death" in our relationships otherwise known as rejection.

   How can we deal with rejection from others? Sit down with God and be honest about how much the rejection hurt you. Then tell God that you choose to forgive them even if you don't feel like it. When I forgave my dad for the rejection I felt growing up, I found great healing. But there may be a bigger issue at play here. Most of us are hoping that another human being is going to meet our deepest need for acceptance. That is what I was looking for from my dad. That is a faulty focus.

   What if we are the ones rejecting others? We need to confess that to God as sin. But just as important, we need to live confidently in God's unconditional acceptance of us. This is part of what it means to "set your mind on the Spirit". When we consistently believe we are unconditionally accepted by our Heavenly Dad, we will live in and from Christ in us. This is the true source of life and peace. Only then can we express that same unconditional acceptance to the people around us.

   I don't believe God wants us to blame our parents for all of our problems otherwise we will live like we are victims. We are victors in Christ! We can face and forgive the mistakes of our parents or others who have rejected us. Christ in us can catapult us into the destiny God created us for.

   Why don't you pray right now thanking God that He unconditionally accepts you? If you are unsure of this, refer back to my devotion, "Does God Really Accept Us Unconditionally"?

If you are stuck in your feelings of rejection, we can help. For more information, please call us at 704-522-9026 or visit us on the web at www.GraceLifeInternational.com.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding