Mark Maulding's Blog: November 2013

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Parenting by Grace: 3 Stages of Parenting

One of the things Ellen and I spoke about at times when our kids were growing up was this. “Let’s enjoy our kids and not be in a hurry for them to grow up or get older.” In other words, we wanted to soak in and enjoy the moment. There were great times of joy, exhaustion, and sorrow. Regardless, we made it our goal to live in the moment and are glad we did.

I believe this is part of what grace means when we are able to rest in the Lord as Hebrews 4 talks about.

It helps to understand what stage of parenting you are experiencing with each of your children. The stages can be understood simply as Control, Convictions and Counselor. In every one of these stages, parents need to depend on Christ in them to parent and need to have older grace filled parents who can mentor them.

Control – When our kids are infants until they are around age 11, parents have to make a lot of their children’s decisions for them. Our children don’t have the emotional or intellectual ability to do this without us. Of course, even as they are moving towards age 11, we can be teaching them about making wise, good decisions. There is also a place for giving them opportunities to do so.

Conviction – From about age 12 through high school, we are in a time of helping our kids develop convictions about God, themselves and life. We can’t force any of this on them but we want to be sharing the important things on how real Jesus is to us, dating, working hard, integrity, money and more.

This is definitely a time that can be very challenging. Some teens are very compliant and go through this time with no problems. Others seem to become an alien from another planet and parents wonder who took over their child’s body! Our kids may have questions or doubts about their faith but talking it through with them will help. Just don’t freak out if that happens.

Counselor – This is when our kids have graduated from high school and are headed towards living on their own whether through a job or at college. Parents primarily become counselors during this time. We have to be very careful that we don’t regress to the Control stage during this time. In fact, some parents sadly keep trying to be in the control stage even after their adult child is married.

This is a time when we are continuing to guide our children into making more and more of their own decisions. We have input of course, especially if they want to do something like go to a college that costs more then we or they can afford. But in general, we want to help them learn more and more how to pray, seek God and make their own decisions.

Please don’t take these stages and turn them into hard and fast periods. We all need to be led by the Holy Spirit and there will be some crossover in these stages. Just to remind you, trust Christ in you, to parent through you. He’s the best parent ever!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Brevity of Life and Preparing Well for the Next One

One ancient writer expressed the brevity of life in this way, “You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing.” My wife and I are experiencing this on a micro level as it seems our four children became adults all of a sudden though it took 20 – 25 years.

However, the life to come is forever. It is sobering to realize that there are only two forever options for every living person. One is to live forever unconditionally loved by God where all suffering, pain, sorrows, sickness and death are no more, and the world is the most beautiful place ever. The other option is to live forever in a place where there is no love, no relationships, no parties, no light and none of God’s presence.

The question is who goes where and why?

Many people think that good people are the ones who go to a “better place” and bad people go to the alternative. But how good does a person need to be go to this heavenly place?

Let’s look at a few of the 10 Commandments for just a moment. One commandment says, “Thou shalt not steal”. Have you ever stolen anything? Everyone has even if it is a very small item. That means you will stand before God one day as a thief and thieves cannot go to heaven. Another commandment says, “Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie).” Have you ever lied? Sure you have, even if it was a little white lie. All liars will stand before God one day and be judged as one who cannot go to heaven. Let me give you part of the 10^th Commandment. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife…” Have ever had a sexually lustful thought towards another person whether on television, the internet, in your neighborhood or anywhere else? Every person has done that more than once. As a result, you will stand before God guilty of sexual lust. Sadly, no one who has done this, even once, will go to heaven.

Hopefully you can see that no one is good enough to go to heaven because we have all broken at least some of the 10 Commandments.

Because God loves you, He wants you to be with Him forever and has provided a way for you to be there. You see God loves everyone, but he doesn't accept everyone. He only accepts those who are acceptable. So how do you become acceptable to God since no one is good enough?

You may or may not be familiar with what Jesus Christ said as recorded in the Bible in John chapter 3 verses 16-17. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

God loved you personally so much, that He sent His own Son, from heaven to earth, not to condemn you, but to save you from option 2. The one condition is that you believe in His Son, Jesus Christ.

Believing in Jesus Christ means that you believe He died on the cross to take your judgment for your mistakes and sins. You also believe He was buried and on the 3^rd day and He rose from the grave because He conquered death for us. To believe is not just a mental belief. It is also a giving of yourself to Jesus so you can fulfill the purpose for which you were created. You were placed on this earth for a specific purpose which may include your present profession.

A relationship with Jesus Christ is not about being religious but is about learning to have a dynamic relationship with Him. To keep it real, this does not mean your life will be great after you believe. You will have problems in this life just like I do and everyone else does. For example, I have a child with Down syndrome and have lost most of my ability to smell. And because of our problems, we may be tempted to give up on our belief in Jesus. Don’t do that. Remember, you are preparing for the next life not just this one. Keep the faith in Him.

Would you like to place your faith in Jesus Christ right now? Don’t say, “I’ll do it later.” This may be your last chance. None of us is assured that we have a tomorrow. Join me and many others who have already believed. If you are willing to do this, I have a suggested prayer for you to pray.

I was encouraging a friend one time to place his faith in Jesus Christ when he said, "But I don't feel anything so I don't think I should". I explained that you don't have to have a certain "feeling" to place your faith in Christ. You may or may not “feel” like praying this prayer of belief but feelings are fickle and they come and go. In other words, go ahead. Don’t wait until you feel like it. He did and was forever changed.

Here is the suggested prayer. Just stop for a moment and pray this to God either out loud or silently.

“Dear God, I believe that you love me so much that you sent Jesus Christ to die for my mistakes and sins. I believe that He was buried and that you also raised him from the dead.” I not only believe in Him but I surrender my life to you desiring to discover and live your plan for my life.” Amen.

God encourages you in your prayer above with this Bible verse. “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” This is in Romans chapter 10 verse :9.

If you placed your faith in Jesus Christ just now, please email me at Mark@GraceLifeInternational.com. You don’t have to. I am not a pastor. I just want to know so I can pray for you and send you another email about how to grow in this new relationship. I will never use your email for any other purpose or ask you for money. There is so much more to understand about your relationship with Jesus Christ and I want to help you.

God bless you in your new adventure with Him!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Parenting by Grace: Why Only Two New Testament Scriptures?

My wife and I have been parenting our four children for 25 years. During that time, we have learned some things that I'd like to share with you. Let me say quickly that if you are hoping to hear from someone who has been a perfect Christian parent, you will be disappointed. We have made our share of mistakes like every Christian parent does.

There is a phantom Christian parent out there somewhere who does everything perfectly. They lead their children to Christ at an early age, always have them at church, never miss daily devotions with them, never get angry, always have the wisdom needed for every situation, have a great marriage, always pray and read their Bibles, and spend a lot of personal time engaging each child. I call them a phantom because that parent does not exist!

I often ask people in our Parenting by Grace class how many New Testament verses there are on parenting. If someone had asked you that question, how would you have answered it? I've heard everything from 100 to 10 to none. The answer is that there are only two. They are Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 which say almost exactly the same thing.

Because parenting is such a challenging responsibility, that doesn't seem fair, does it? Its like, "Come on, Lord. Could you give me at least 10 Scriptures about parenting?"

A long time ago I asked, "Why are there only two?" Then I believe the Holy Spirit gave me the answer. It's because God assumes that we understand the Gospel so well that we know how He parents us. He is our model of how to parent our children. Here are some important truths I believe He wants us to understand about parenting.

Our Father loves and accepts us unconditionally whether we obey or sin. It's one of the privileges of being one of His children. This does not mean there are no consequences for sinning. If you rob a bank, you will go to prison and God will love and accept you all the way there!

Our Daddy does not punish us but disciplines us according to Hebrews 12. To punish us would mean that Jesus' payment for our sins was incomplete therefore we are being made to pay for them. Discipline is different because it is not retribution but guidance. It means that we are off track and our Father is trying to get us back on track.

When we understand the Gospel, our Daddy assumes that we are going to rely on Christ in us to be a parent through us. When Jesus said in John 15:5, "Without me, you can do nothing", He was including parenting. A parent must daily declare to Jesus that he or she is utterly dependent on Him to do the parenting through them.

I remember several occasions that what came out of my mouth in response to one of my children was so wise, I knew it was from Christ in me. To keep it real, I also remember things coming out of my mouth that were from the flesh because I was not relying on Christ in me!

The greatest parent in the world is God Himself who lives in you! Ask Him to parent your children through you and watch Him work!

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