Do You Struggle With Anger?

Do you ever feel angry?  Of course, you do.  Everyone does.  If you say you are not angry because Christians aren't supposed to be angry, let me use some other words for anger:  frustrated, irritated, annoyed, exasperated, and aggravated.  There are of course, stronger expressions of anger as we will see later.

When my kids were younger, there was a card game craze called Pokémon.  My boys were drawn into that craze and loved it.  One day, I discovered that two of them had stolen a few cards from some neighbor kids.  I couldn't believe it!  I felt so angry.  With one swipe of my hands across the counter, I scattered the cards and a bowl of popcorn across the room and told them I couldn't believe they had stolen the cards!  Then I went with them to return them to their friends and to ask for forgiveness.

Were my actions a demonstration of righteous anger like Jesus when he turned over the money changers tables in the temple?   (John 2:13-16)  Or, were they the fruit of my flesh, which just "went off?" 

Anger is a normal human emotion which is sometimes sinful and sometimes not.  Ephesians 4:26a says, Be angry and yet do not sin. Have you ever read some of the Psalms when the writer was expressing to God how angry he felt?  In Psalms 10:16-17, David prays, Break the arms of these wicked, evil people!   Go after them until the last one is destroyed.   The Lord is king forever and ever!   The godless nations will vanish from the land.  This wasn't sinful anger.  He was simply telling the Lord how he felt, a great example for all of us.

There is also sinful anger which is often destructive in families and at work.  This anger has many faces, according to Ephesians 4:31. Let all bitterness and indignation and wrath (passion, rage, bad temper) and resentment (anger, animosity) and quarreling (brawling, clamor, contention) and slander (evil-speaking, abusive or blasphemous language) be banished from you, with all malice (spite, ill will, or baseness of any kind). AMP

What is God's solution for our sinful anger?  We need to admit to ourselves and mostly to God that we have this problem and stop justifying it.  We need to remember that in Christ, we are not angry people but instead, already patient and kind.   We need to tell Jesus how much we need Him to live through us in place of the anger.  To remove barriers preventing Him from living through us, we need to deal with our past and our future.  Let me explain.

To deal with our past, God has given us the grace to forgive those who have offended us.  To deal with our future, God gives us the grace to relinquish our rights and expectations in every area of our lives to Him (more on that next week). 

We may also need to ask forgiveness from the people we have hurt with our anger. I've had to do that with my wife, as most men do who are living out of their true identity in Christ.  I need to mention one more thing. 

We may also need to go talk through an issue with someone who has offended us according to Matthew 18:15-17.

If you have an issue with anger and need help, call us at 704-522-9026. We provide counseling in Charlotte, Albemarle, Asheville and anywhere by Skype.

  
Believe it! It's the Gospel.

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2015 Mark Maulding but feel free to pass it on!

Freedom: Charleston Victims' Relatives Forgive Shooter

Last week, I wrote challenging myself and the rest of us with opportunities to live the New Covenant in the area of racial reconciliation.   This week, I want to let two of the relatives of the victims who were slain, challenge all of us to forgive those who hurt us.  These two of the nine, allowed Jesus to live through them to forgive the shooter face-to-face, though he did not ask for it, nor deserve it. 

Nadine Collier, daughter of victim Ethel Lance

"I forgive you. You took something very precious away from me. I will never get to talk to her ever again. I will never be able to hold her again, but I forgive you, and have mercy on your soul. ... You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people. If God forgives you, I forgive you."

Relative of Myra Thompson

"I would just like him to know that, to say the same thing that was just said: I forgive him and my family forgives him. But we would like him to take this opportunity to repent. Repent. Confess. Give your life to the One who matters most: Christ. So that He can change you and change your ways, so no matter what happens to you, you'll be okay."

These are taken from an online article written by Elahe Izadi in the June 19th edition of the Washington Post online.

In a similar article in USA Today, Susan Miller writes "No words are as compelling as those from the people of Charleston, who refuse to let their city be defined by this massacre.  Forgiveness, faith, and mercy: Virtues of those who live and breathe what they learn at a weekly Wednesday night Bible study at the AME church.

This is what it takes for good to overcome evil."

From People of Charleston, Lessons for All,  Susan Miller, USA Today, Tuesday, June 30, 2015, News 2A

You've just read about Jesus living through our sisters in Christ.  Yet, they don't try to hide their immense feelings of grief, loss and pain nor their desire for the legal justice needed.

Do you think they felt like forgiving?  Absolutely not! But they chose to anyway, accessing the grace they already had in Christ to make this choice. In Christ, we are forgivers and we are told to live like who we are in Ephesians 4:31-32.

It is the beginning of our own healing when we do.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."

As we approach our celebration of the 239th year of the USA's freedom, why not go deeper in your own personal freedom by asking God if there are people He wants you to forgive.  Then sit down before Him, alone preferably, and tell Him out loud:

1. Exactly what they did to you.
2. How you feel about it.
3. Then say, "I forgive _________." (call their name) 

●  We've discovered at GLI that the more specific you are in all three, the deeper your healing will be.

Do they deserve your forgiveness?  No more than we deserved God's forgiveness. 

Forgiving someone is not saying you are OK with what they did.  It's saying the opposite. "It was wrong but I choose to forgive you anyway." 

Should you go tell them?  Forgive them before God first, and then ask Him if He wants you to talk with them about it.  He will make it clear to you.  And if you do, it's most likely for the purpose of reconciliation which is different than forgiveness.

After you forgive, give God time to heal your damaged emotions.  It may not be instantaneous.  Also, if it comes back up in your mind, remind Satan you already forgave that person.

Forgiving them will free you more than you know from the weight of pain you have been carrying.

Happy Freedom Day!

Believe it! It's the Gospel.

Live Free In Christ,


Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2015 Mark Maulding but feel free to pass it on!

Godly Affirmations:Forgive Yourself

Years ago, a young couple, who were in a lot of trouble, came in for counseling. From a sheer human perspective, it seemed very unlikely that they could hold their marriage together.  She had committed serious adultery producing a chasm of pain between them that neither of them could traverse.  The one glimmer of hope was that their pastor had led her to faith in Christ before he referred them to me and the husband was already a believer. 

After listening to their heartbreaking story, I asked them the questions we often ask couples with marital problems, "Do you want your marriage to work?" and "Are you willing to let God work in your lives to do whatever it takes to heal your marriage?"  They both answered "Yes".

There was much to help them with over the next few months.  One was the need to forgive Biblically based on the Gospel.  We spent a lot of time understanding that the good news of the Gospel meant that Jesus had died for every sin they had committed, including her adultery and his lack of loving leadership.  For example, Colossians 2:13 says, "When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins."    Please notice that we have been forgiven (past tense) for all of our sins.  The challenge is twofold.  First, do we believe God has forgiven each sin, especially that one we are so ashamed of, such as adultery?  Second, have we forgiven ourselves for that sin?

Some balk at the idea of forgiving ourselves saying it isn't Biblical.  However, loving our neighbor as we love ourselves includes forgiving ourselves just as we would our neighbor.  And more importantly, forgiving ourselves is rooted in God's forgiveness of us.  Since he has forgiven us, we can forgive ourselves.  In fact, it is prideful not to forgive ourselves since God has already forgiven us!  Colossians 2:14 says, He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross.

When I challenged the husband to make a list of everyone and to Biblically forgive, I have to admit that I was surprised to hear from him that the person he struggled to forgive the most was not his wife, but himself.  It took him several weeks before he was ready to forgive himself.  Wow!  But once he did, even his face looked different because the burden of unforgiveness towards himself had lifted.

Why don't you affirm this week that Jesus died for every one of your sins by sitting down with God and forgiving yourself.  Tell God what you have done and how you feel about yourself, then forgive yourself.  You'll be glad you did!

Believe it!  This is the Gospel!                      

Live Free In Christ, 
Mark Maulding, President and Founder 
www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2014 Mark Maulding

Is Forgiving Yourself Biblical? (Part 2)

   When we ask God for forgiveness or thank Him for our forgiveness for a sin, we do it with confidence that Jesus already died for that sin.  You will never commit a sin Jesus did not already die for. You are not going to surprise your Father one day such that He says, "Oh no!  I forgot to put that sin on the cross!"  Many of us have received God's forgiveness and are at peace with Him. However, we may still be holding a sin against ourself.  In light of this, is forgiving yourself Biblical? 
   Yes!  The second greatest commandment is to "Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31).   One of your greatest acts of love is to forgive someone.  To love someone as we love ourself would mean we may, at times, need to forgive ourself.  Many people are disappointed with themselves.  Others are angry with themselves.  Some actually hate themselves. Sometimes we need to forgive ourself for a sin God has already forgiven.  Other times, we need to forgive ourself for a mistake we made, though it was not a sin like when I wrecked my car on a father/son weekend two years ago.  Forgiving ourself may be one of the most difficult things we ever do.  
    A young married man I mentored took four weeks to forgive many people from his past and present.  He forgave himself last because he noted he was the most difficult person to forgive.  Yet, he's never been the same.  I wish you could have seen the before and after expression on his face!  God has provided our complete forgiveness in Christ but have we fully forgiven ourselves where needed?  If not, our standard for forgiveness is higher than God's. Do it today!

   Until next time remenber, He loves us.  

Does God Punish Us for Our Sins?

Is the God we believe in truly the real God? Through the years, I have observed many people who leave their faith in God and the church they were a part of. Yet, in many cases they are not leaving the true God but a false god they have created in their mind. There are misperceptions of who God really is. One misperception is that God punishes His children when they sin. I have heard this one many times and I used to believe it myself! Yet, our punishment was taken in full by Jesus on the cross.

In 1 John 2:2, the word "propitiation" means the wrath of God the Father towards our sin was completely satisfied in the death of Christ on the cross. Since that is true, difficult circumstances are NOT God's punishment on us. We have been forgiven for all of our sins and will not be punished for them.

Those who do not have faith in Christ will be punished for their sins after their life on this earth is over. But we are focusing on believers right now.

That does not mean that believers in Christ do not have consequences when we sin. For example, if we are a believer in Christ and we rob a bank. Jesus died for our sin of stealing. So God will not punish us but we will go to jail! A friend of mine said it this way. God does not punish us for our sins but our sins sometimes punish us.

He does discipline His children according to Hebrew 12 but this is our Father's correction to get us back on track, not to punish us. In fact, His discipline is an act of His love for us. So the next time we begin to think that God is punishing us, we need to remember that the cross of Jesus debunks that misperception of God and how He treats us. He loves us!