Parenting by Grace: 3 Stages of Parenting

   One of the things Ellen and I spoke about at times when our kids were growing up was this.  “Let’s enjoy our kids and not be in a hurry for them to grow up or get older.”   In other words, we wanted to soak in and enjoy the moment.  There were great times of joy, exhaustion, and sorrow.  Regardless, we made it our goal to live in the moment and are glad we did.

   I believe this is part of what grace means when we are able to rest in the Lord as Hebrews 4 talks about. 

   It helps to understand what stage of parenting you are experiencing with each of your children.  The stages can be understood simply as Control, Convictions and Counselor.  In every one of these stages, parents need to depend on Christ in them to parent and need to have older grace filled parents who can mentor them.

   Control – When our kids are infants until they are around age 11, parents have to make a lot of their children’s decisions for them.  Our children don’t have the emotional or intellectual ability to do this without us.  Of course, even as they are moving towards age 11, we can be teaching them about making wise, good decisions.  There is also a place for giving them opportunities to do so.

   Conviction – From about age 12 through high school, we are in a time of helping our kids develop convictions about God, themselves and life.  We can’t force any of this on them but we want to be sharing the important things on how real Jesus is to us, dating, working hard, integrity, money and more. 

   This is definitely a time that can be very challenging.  Some teens are very compliant and go through this time with no problems.  Others seem to become an alien from another planet and parents wonder who took over their child’s body!  Our kids may have questions or doubts about their faith but talking it through with them will help.  Just don’t freak out if that happens.

   Counselor – This is when our kids have graduated from high school and are headed towards living on their own whether through a job or at college.  Parents primarily become counselors during this time.  We have to be very careful that we don’t regress to the Control stage during this time.  In fact, some parents sadly keep trying to be in the control stage even after their adult child is married.

   This is a time when we are continuing to guide our children into making more and more of their own decisions.  We have input of course, especially if they want to do something like go to a college that costs more then we or they can afford.  But in general, we want to help them learn more and more how to pray, seek God and make their own decisions.

   Please don’t take these stages and turn them into hard and fast periods. We all need to be led by the Holy Spirit and there will be some crossover in these stages.  Just to remind you, trust Christ in you, to parent through you.  He’s the best parent ever!

 Live Free In Christ, Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

The Brevity of Life and Preparing Well for the Next One

One ancient writer expressed the brevity of life in this way, “You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing.”  My wife and I are experiencing this on a micro level as it seems our four children became adults all of a sudden though it took 20 – 25 years.

However, the life to come is forever.  It is sobering to realize that there are only two forever options for every living person.  One is to live forever unconditionally loved by God where all suffering, pain, sorrows, sickness and death are no more, and the world is the most beautiful place ever.  The other option is to live forever in a place where there is no love, no relationships, no parties, no light and none of God’s presence.

The question is who goes where and why?

Many people think that good people are the ones who go to a “better place” and bad people go to the alternative.  But how good does a person need to be go to this heavenly place?

Let’s look at a few of the 10 Commandments for just a moment.  One commandment says, “Thou shalt not steal”.  Have you ever stolen anything?  Everyone has even if it is a very small item.  That means you will stand before God one day as a thief and thieves cannot go to heaven.  Another commandment says, “Thou shalt not bear false witness (lie).”  Have you ever lied?  Sure you have, even if it was a little white lie.  All liars will stand before God one day and be judged as one who cannot go to heaven.  Let me give you part of the 10^th Commandment.  “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife…”  Have ever had a sexually lustful thought towards another person whether on television, the internet, in your neighborhood or anywhere else?  Every person has done that more than once.  As a result, you will stand before God guilty of sexual lust.  Sadly, no one who has done this, even once, will go to heaven.

Hopefully you can see that no one is good enough to go to heaven because we have all broken at least some of the 10 Commandments.

Because God loves you, He wants you to be with Him forever and has provided a way for you to be there.  You see God loves everyone, but he doesn't accept everyone.  He only accepts those who are acceptable.  So how do you become acceptable to God since no one is good enough?

You may or may not be familiar with what Jesus Christ said as recorded in the Bible in John chapter 3 verses 16-17. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”

God loved you personally so much, that He sent His own Son, from heaven to earth, not to condemn you, but to save you from option 2.  The one condition is that you believe in His Son, Jesus Christ.

Believing in Jesus Christ means that you believe He died on the cross to take your judgment for your mistakes and sins.  You also believe He was buried and on the 3^rd day and He rose from the grave because He conquered death for us.  To believe is not just a mental belief.  It is also a giving of yourself to Jesus so you can fulfill the purpose for which you were created.  You were placed on this earth for a specific purpose which may include your present profession.

A relationship with Jesus Christ is not about being religious but is about learning to have a dynamic relationship with Him.  To keep it real, this does not mean your life will be great after you believe.  You will have problems in this life just like I do and everyone else does.  For example, I have a child with Down syndrome and have lost most of my ability to smell.  And because of our problems, we may be tempted to give up on our belief in Jesus.  Don’t do that.  Remember, you are preparing for the next life not just this one.  Keep the faith in Him.

Would you like to place your faith in Jesus Christ right now?  Don’t say, “I’ll do it later.”  This may be your last chance. None of us is assured that we have a tomorrow.  Join me and many others who have already believed.  If you are willing to do this, I have a suggested prayer for you to pray.   

I was encouraging a friend one time to place his faith in Jesus Christ when he said, "But I don't feel anything so I don't think I should".  I explained that you don't have to have a certain "feeling" to place your faith in Christ.  You may or may not “feel” like praying this prayer of belief but feelings are fickle and they come and go.  In other words, go ahead.  Don’t wait until you feel like it. He did and was forever changed.

Here is the suggested prayer.  Just stop for a moment and pray this to God either out loud or silently.

“Dear God, I believe that you love me so much that you sent Jesus Christ to die for my mistakes and sins.  I believe that He was buried and that you also raised him from the dead.”  I not only believe in Him but I surrender my life to you desiring to discover and live your plan for my life.”  Amen.

God encourages you in your prayer above with this Bible verse.  “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” This is in Romans chapter 10 verse :9.

If you placed your faith in Jesus Christ just now, please email me at Mark@GraceLifeInternational.com.  You don’t have to.  I am not a pastor.  I just want to know so I can pray for you and send you another email about how to grow in this new relationship.  I will never use your email for any other purpose or ask you for money.  There is so much more to understand about your relationship with Jesus Christ and I want to help you.

God bless you in your new adventure with Him!

Live Free In Christ,
Mark Maulding, President and Founder
www.GraceLifeInternational.com
All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Parenting by Grace: Why Only Two New Testament Scriptures?

    My wife and I have been parenting our four children for 25 years. During that time, we have learned some things that I'd like to share with you. Let me say quickly that if you are hoping to hear from someone who has been a perfect Christian parent, you will be disappointed. We have made our share of mistakes like every Christian parent does.

   There is a phantom Christian parent out there somewhere who does everything perfectly. They lead their children to Christ at an early age, always have them at church, never miss daily devotions with them, never get angry, always have the wisdom needed for every situation, have a great marriage, always pray and read their Bibles, and spend a lot of personal time engaging each child. I call them a phantom because that parent does not exist!

    I often ask people in our Parenting by Grace class how many New Testament verses there are on parenting. If someone had asked you that question, how would you have answered it? I've heard everything from 100 to 10 to none. The answer is that there are only two. They are Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 which say almost exactly the same thing.

  Because parenting is such a challenging responsibility, that doesn't seem fair, does it? Its like, "Come on, Lord. Could you give me at least 10 Scriptures about parenting?"

   A long time ago I asked, "Why are there only two?" Then I believe the Holy Spirit gave me the answer. It's because God assumes that we understand the Gospel so well that we know how He parents us. He is our model of how to parent our children. Here are some important truths I believe He wants us to understand about parenting.

  Our Father loves and accepts us unconditionally whether we obey or sin. It's one of the privileges of being one of His children. This does not mean there are no consequences for sinning.   If you rob a bank, you will go to prison and God will love and accept you all the way there!

  Our Daddy does not punish us but disciplines us according to Hebrews 12. To punish us would mean that Jesus' payment for our sins was incomplete therefore we are being made to pay for them. Discipline is different because it is not retribution but guidance. It means that we are off track and our Father is trying to get us back on track.

   When we understand the Gospel, our Daddy assumes that we are going to rely on Christ in us to be a parent through us. When Jesus said in John 15:5, "Without me, you can do nothing", He was including parenting.   A parent must daily declare to Jesus that he or she is utterly dependent on Him to do the parenting through them.

   I remember several occasions that what came out of my mouth in response to one of my children was so wise, I knew it was from Christ in me. To keep it real, I also remember things coming out of my mouth that were from the flesh because I was not relying on Christ in me!

   The greatest parent in the world is God Himself who lives in you! Ask Him to parent your children through you and watch Him work!     

Live Free In Christ,

Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com
All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Grace for the Legalist

    When I was a legalistic Christian, I understood grace to be the power God gave me to obey the 10 Commandments. Rather than grace being relational, it was the power to keep the rules. This stinking thinking meant that the more rules I kept, the more pleasing I would be to God. The more pleasing I was to God, the more I believed He would bless me for my obedient performance.     

  

   I was so much of a legalist, I believed I needed to obey the dietary laws of the Old Testament in order to please God. I recall one time when Ellen and I were first married, we were on vacation at her grandfather's beach house. We went out to eat at the local seafood restaurant only to realize that every item on the menu was forbidden by the Old Testament dietary laws. We left frustrated, angry and hungry!

   When I had a revelation of Christ in me and my identity in Christ according to Galatians 2:20, I experienced incredible healing and freedom. However, I also believed that I now had the power to keep the 10 Commandments and couldn't understand why I kept failing at it. This is the exact same thing  the Apostle Paul wrote about in Romans 7:14-25. Here he shares his own testimony of his habitual faliure to keep the law in his attempts to stop sinning.

   God continued to reveal more of what the entire Gospel really was and I soon began to see in the Scriptures that Christians have zero obligation to keep the 10 Commandments. Not only can it not save a person, it cannot prevent a Christian from sinning, nor can it help them grow spiritually.

   Romans 7:4 says that when Jesus died on the cross, we were united to Him so that we died to the Law with Him. If you die to something, it means that you no longer have any relationship to it. For example, if I died today, I would no longer be obligated to keep the laws of the United States.

   2 Timothy 1:9 says, "Realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person." The only righteous people are those in Christ. That means that the 10 Commandments are not made for us. Instead of the Law, we are now under grace.

   As I understood this, my freedom grew. My intimacy with God grew. My love for people grew. My freedom over sin's power grew. And I even lived a life more pleasing to God than when I had lived under the Law. Grace transformed this legalist into a gracist!

   To all the legalists out there, God's love and grace is what you need and really want deep down. You just may not know it yet. Your Father loves you and His grace has placed Christ in you and you in Christ. Let go of legalism and embrace grace. It may feel strange at first but it's the only way to live a victorious Christian life!

Live Free In Christ, Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

It's Halloween: Fear God not the Devil!

   Christians have differing opinions on whether or not to participate in Halloween. Some say that it is a form of worshipping the devil. Others say that if you participate, you open yourself up to the demonic world. And then there are those who say that it's nothing but a fun time to dress up and eat so much candy that it makes you sick.

 

    I definitely take very seriously the reality that the devil and his demons can and do influence Christians. Christians can't be possessed because we are possessed by Jesus Christ. But we can be oppressed. I've seen it in our counseling and I've seen it in my own life.

    A few years ago, I became very nauseous as I was preparing to drive to a teen conference on our identity in Christ. I was the main speaker, so it was important for me to be there. I emailed some people and asked them to pray because I felt sick. Shortly afterwards, the Holy Spirit told me that I felt sick because it was demonic. You see, I was about to teach in one of the most religious cities in America and religion is from our Enemy. So I prayed with the authority we have in Christ and the nausea stopped immediately.

    But I'm not afraid of the devil and you shouldn't be either if you are in Christ. I have a healthy respect but I'm not afraid. Jesus has defeated our enemy through His death, burial, resurrection, ascension and seating. Colossians 2:15 "And having disarmed the powers and authorities, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Since we are united with Christ, we have defeated him too. Ephesians 2:6 "And raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus." We do need to believe it and apply our victory.

    I do fear God but not such that I am afraid of Him. His perfect love for me has removed that kind of fear according to 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." But I do have an incredible reverence for my Father who loves me that is so overpowering that I worship Him and desire to obey Him.

    You may be wondering if I am promoting the idea that Christians should let their children dress up and get candy going door to door on Halloween. I am not because this is an issue of conscience like we read about in Romans 14-15. Just as in those Scriptures, some Christians think it is fine and others are totally against it. You will need to decide between you and God what you have the freedom to do or not do.

    I will say this, just for the record. I've never dealt with anyone in my 31 years of counseling and teaching who was oppressed by the devil after dressing up to get candy on Halloween. But I've seen a lot more people who have been oppressed by the devil because of religion and other reasons. I am definitely more afraid of the damage religion does to Christians than Halloween!

Live Free In Christ,


Mark Maulding, President and Founder

www.GraceLifeInternational.com

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Passionate Dating: Are You Ready?

   Are you ready to date? Is your teen or single ready to date? Here are some practical thoughts on dating from the perspective of grace for you to consider before you answer.

   Dating is really not discussed in the Bible. It is a modern invention of the western world.   In the time of the Bible, parents chose who you were going to marry. That may sound totally crazy to us today. However, we parents know our kids better than anyone else and have a good idea of the type of person who would be a good fit for them.

   I'm not suggesting that we go back to parents arranging who their kids marry. But I am saying that people who are dating would be very wise to ask their parents what they think about the person they are dating. Most parents are good at discerning the character of a person fairly quickly. Are you willing to do that?

   How is your love relationship with Jesus?   In other words, is your heart already filled with God's personal love for you? If so, you are prepared to date if God leads you to do so. Jesus' love for you will be a deterrent against you trying to suck the life out of the other person to meet your God-given need for love. This can be a major stumbling block in dating and in marriage.

    Depending on Jesus to live his life through you is the only way to mature as a person and a Christian. Nothing can better prepare you for dating than this. Jesus says in John 15:5, "Apart from me you can do nothing" which includes dating.

   Learning that your identity is in Christ is important too. Otherwise you will attempt to derive your identity from the person you are dating. That's one of those things that can sabotage your relationship quicker than playing a game of Call to Duty.

   Have you decided on your non-negotiables in dating? I covered this very extensively in my blog/devotion two weeks ago. I hope you have at least decided that you are only going to date someone who loves Jesus as much as you do.

   When you do decide to get engaged, believing God has brought that special person into your life, do yourself a favor and get some quality Christ-centered counseling. We offer great pre-marital counseling in our office and through Skype but we also know of other ministries around the country who can help as well.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 
www.GraceLifeInternational.com 
All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Passionate Dating: Safe Sex

   When our children were growing up, Ellen and I both believed that it was our responsibility to talk to each one about sex.   Sadly, in today's world, most children are familiar with sex long before they become teens.  They have heard all about it from their friends and many have seen a perversion of it because of internet and TV pornography.

   Let me share an example of what I mean.  I took each of my three sons on a father/son weekend to talk about sex when they were in the 6^th grade - the first year of Middle School. (I also took them in 9^thand 12^th grade.)  Ellen talked to our daughter.

   On one of those 6^th grade trips, my son said, "Dad, I already know all about sex.  You don't need to tell me anything."  My response?  "You probably do but you need to hear my perspective on it and especially God's perspective on it."

   You see, sex was designed by God to be great ... in marriage.  He designed it for procreation and for pleasure.  Sex was God's idea, not the Devil's!  It's not dirty in marriage.  It's a gift from God.

   The statistics are very compelling that parents still have the greatest influence in the decisions that teens and young adults make about sex before marriage.  That is not a guarantee that they will live like who they are in Christ in this area but it is still our God-given responsibility to talk with them and guide them in this area.

   The best thing we can do for our kids in teaching them about sex is to challenge them to make some decisions before they ever start dating.  If not, they will most likely make the wrong decision later when they are on a date.  Here are some of those decisions.

  Safe sex for the Christian is no sex prior to marriage. See 1 Corinthians 7:1-5  Today, you have to be very specific about what you mean by sex.  A decision that will help a single person is to agree that any area of the body below the neck is off limits while dating.  An exception, of course, might be holding hands.  And in reality, most people regardless of their age, cannot sit around and kiss very long without being tempted to do more.  Why?  Because God designed passionate kissing to be one of the first steps towards the beautiful act of sexual intimacy in marriage.  If a single is going to kiss at all while dating , they need to decide how much kissing they are going to involve themselves in.  If you have kids, I encourage you to share this with them whether they are 13 or 30. 

  Don't advertise.  Make sure your girls know that they can dress in style with being immodest. For example, a girl who shows cleavage is advertising.  A girl who wears shorts, skirts or dresses so that her butt cheek is showing or almost showing is advertising.  And some guy will be tempted to take the merchandise.  She needs to save all of that for her husband in private after she is married. 

   Another thing kids need to know is that the Bible tells them to treat the opposite sex as if they were their brother or sister.  Read these words to the single pastor, Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:2. "Reverently honor an older woman as you would your mother, and the younger women as sisters."  That is another great decision for those who are dating to make.  In fact, if they treat the opposite sex as a brother or sister, then a friendship may occur which one day might lead them to the one God has for them to marry.  Passionate Dating is definitely about safe sex when you live like who you are in Christ!    

    

Live Free in Christ,    

Live Free In Christ, Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding