Passionate Dating: Are You Ready?

   Are you ready to date? Is your teen or single ready to date? Here are some practical thoughts on dating from the perspective of grace for you to consider before you answer.

   Dating is really not discussed in the Bible. It is a modern invention of the western world.   In the time of the Bible, parents chose who you were going to marry. That may sound totally crazy to us today. However, we parents know our kids better than anyone else and have a good idea of the type of person who would be a good fit for them.

   I'm not suggesting that we go back to parents arranging who their kids marry. But I am saying that people who are dating would be very wise to ask their parents what they think about the person they are dating. Most parents are good at discerning the character of a person fairly quickly. Are you willing to do that?

   How is your love relationship with Jesus?   In other words, is your heart already filled with God's personal love for you? If so, you are prepared to date if God leads you to do so. Jesus' love for you will be a deterrent against you trying to suck the life out of the other person to meet your God-given need for love. This can be a major stumbling block in dating and in marriage.

    Depending on Jesus to live his life through you is the only way to mature as a person and a Christian. Nothing can better prepare you for dating than this. Jesus says in John 15:5, "Apart from me you can do nothing" which includes dating.

   Learning that your identity is in Christ is important too. Otherwise you will attempt to derive your identity from the person you are dating. That's one of those things that can sabotage your relationship quicker than playing a game of Call to Duty.

   Have you decided on your non-negotiables in dating? I covered this very extensively in my blog/devotion two weeks ago. I hope you have at least decided that you are only going to date someone who loves Jesus as much as you do.

   When you do decide to get engaged, believing God has brought that special person into your life, do yourself a favor and get some quality Christ-centered counseling. We offer great pre-marital counseling in our office and through Skype but we also know of other ministries around the country who can help as well.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 
www.GraceLifeInternational.com 
All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Passionate Dating: Safe Sex

   When our children were growing up, Ellen and I both believed that it was our responsibility to talk to each one about sex.   Sadly, in today's world, most children are familiar with sex long before they become teens.  They have heard all about it from their friends and many have seen a perversion of it because of internet and TV pornography.

   Let me share an example of what I mean.  I took each of my three sons on a father/son weekend to talk about sex when they were in the 6^th grade - the first year of Middle School. (I also took them in 9^thand 12^th grade.)  Ellen talked to our daughter.

   On one of those 6^th grade trips, my son said, "Dad, I already know all about sex.  You don't need to tell me anything."  My response?  "You probably do but you need to hear my perspective on it and especially God's perspective on it."

   You see, sex was designed by God to be great ... in marriage.  He designed it for procreation and for pleasure.  Sex was God's idea, not the Devil's!  It's not dirty in marriage.  It's a gift from God.

   The statistics are very compelling that parents still have the greatest influence in the decisions that teens and young adults make about sex before marriage.  That is not a guarantee that they will live like who they are in Christ in this area but it is still our God-given responsibility to talk with them and guide them in this area.

   The best thing we can do for our kids in teaching them about sex is to challenge them to make some decisions before they ever start dating.  If not, they will most likely make the wrong decision later when they are on a date.  Here are some of those decisions.

  Safe sex for the Christian is no sex prior to marriage. See 1 Corinthians 7:1-5  Today, you have to be very specific about what you mean by sex.  A decision that will help a single person is to agree that any area of the body below the neck is off limits while dating.  An exception, of course, might be holding hands.  And in reality, most people regardless of their age, cannot sit around and kiss very long without being tempted to do more.  Why?  Because God designed passionate kissing to be one of the first steps towards the beautiful act of sexual intimacy in marriage.  If a single is going to kiss at all while dating , they need to decide how much kissing they are going to involve themselves in.  If you have kids, I encourage you to share this with them whether they are 13 or 30. 

  Don't advertise.  Make sure your girls know that they can dress in style with being immodest. For example, a girl who shows cleavage is advertising.  A girl who wears shorts, skirts or dresses so that her butt cheek is showing or almost showing is advertising.  And some guy will be tempted to take the merchandise.  She needs to save all of that for her husband in private after she is married. 

   Another thing kids need to know is that the Bible tells them to treat the opposite sex as if they were their brother or sister.  Read these words to the single pastor, Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:2. "Reverently honor an older woman as you would your mother, and the younger women as sisters."  That is another great decision for those who are dating to make.  In fact, if they treat the opposite sex as a brother or sister, then a friendship may occur which one day might lead them to the one God has for them to marry.  Passionate Dating is definitely about safe sex when you live like who you are in Christ!    

    

Live Free in Christ,    

Live Free In Christ, Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Passionate Dating: Non-negotiables

   My wife and I have four children in their early 20's who are not yet married. I am writing to you what we have shared with them through the years about dating from a grace perspective in hopes that it will help you or someone you know.

   The reality is that most people are not taught what God thinks about dating and how to be successful at it. Most acquire their dating advice from friends or the media but we can learn plenty from God and His Word.

   When our kids were getting close to dating age, here are some of the most important things Ellen and I shared with them. I encouraged them not to date at all until they got in college or beyond. I told them it was primarily because I did not want them to experience broken hearts before they entered into marriage one day. My encouragement was for them to focus on their getting an education. However, I did give them grace by saying that if they dated, Ellen and I would support them and walk with them.

   Two of our boys did decide to date some. We did walk with them during those times. Each had one relationship that brought pain but I did not say, "I told you so". We loved them where they were just like God does with us. One of our boys did not date anyone seriously because of school work. At this time, all three have put dating aside until they graduate from college. Our daughter with Downs wants a boyfriend and we keep telling her to ask Jesus for one.

   The main non-negotiable we have continued to strongly encourage our kids to decide is to only date and marry someone who loves Jesus as much as they do. Notice that we did not say someone who is a Christian or church goer. There are people who claim to be Christians and go to church but do not have a genuine relationship with Jesus. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Though the context of that verse is about business, it certainly applies to dating and marriage.

   As one who has Christ in you, you need to only date and marry someone who also has Christ in them but more than that, has a vibrant relationship with Him. How do you know if they do? If they don't talk about their relationship with Jesus during the first one or two dates, you can be sure they don't have that relationship. You can always ask them what kind of faith in God they have. Their answer will be very tell-tale, also.

   I have counseled many Christ followers through the years, who are miserable because they married an unbeliever or a believer whose relationship with God was a "private matter". They allowed themselves to fall in love with that person believing that it wasn't a big deal or that the person would one day come to Christ. In most cases, that doesn't happen.

   You tend to marry people you date! So if you are currently dating or are of dating age, you need to make a decision NOW that you will only date and marry someone who loves Jesus as much as you do. If you are currently dating someone who does not, I urge you to break off that relationship. Though it may be painful now, you will save yourself from a lifetime of future misery and regret.

Live Free In Christ,


Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Free to Obey By Grace

    I remember in my years as a legalistic Christian how important obedience to God was to me.  In my mind, it was THE issue upon which all Christianity stood.   My entire relationship with God was centered on obedience.  When I read the Bible, I was only looking for new ways to obey God where I wasn't obeying him.  This belief that obedience was THE issue in Christianity led me into such burnout that when I read the Bible, it gave me a stomach ache.  I don't think reading the Bible is supposed to do that! 

   I am not diminishing obedience to God in any way.  1 Samuel 15:22b says "To obey is better than sacrifice".  So, obedience is extremely important but it is not THE issue in Christianity.  THE issue in Christianity is Jesus Christ and to take it further, it is Jesus Christ in us, as Paul shares in Colossians1:27. 

   The Apostle Paul said it this way in Philippians 1:21, "For to me to live is Christ."  Knowing Jesus Christ in us through intimacy with Him is THE main thing.  Again Paul said in Philippians 3:10, "That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death."

  Knowing Christ and making Him known is the essence of life.  Obedience to God is the fruit of knowing Christ and making Him known. 

  Anytime we are told in Scripture to obey God, we can be sure of a few things.  First, obedience to God is an expression of our love for Him.  Second, obedience to God is not a checklist but an expression of our identity in Christ.  Third, obedience to God is completely dependent on our dependence on Christ in us.  Forth, obedience to God glorifies our Father when done by grace!

..Here is an example.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 29:18-20 to go into all the world and make disciples.  This is known as known as The Great Commission.  So it's not optional but it's also not to be done from legalism.   I remember that for many years, I shared the Gospel with those who did not know Christ because I was motivated by guilt.   As I came to understand the completeness of the Gospel, that all changed.  Now as I abide in Christ, I watch for opportunities the Holy Spirit opens for me to share.  It's so much more exciting to live this way. 

  This happened the very day I wrote this.  Ellen  and I were away speaking at Montreat College and were relaxing in town for a couple of hours.  When we visited a running store, God showed up big time!  I asked the owner how business was and he shared with us that it had been good until recently when his father died.  Ellen asked him if he had any kind of faith background.  As a result, we thought we might get to share the Gospel with him and we were ready.  It turned out that he was already a believer and God had sent us to pray for him and comfort him.  What a great way to live life!

   The complete Gospel frees us to obey God in such a way that we experience the reality of what Jesus says in Matthew 11:29-30, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

   Let's obey our God as we live out of our freedom in Christ.  We may not always feel like obeying but we can.  It's not a heavy burden but a light one because we are yoked with Christ.  We are in Him and He is in us.  Hallelujah for obedience by grace!

Live Free In Christ, Mark Maulding, 
President and Founder 
www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

 All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Free to Deal with Our Past and Our Future

  Imagine a time line with the Past, Present and Future on it. The Past is where our present pain of anger, resentment, or hurt is usually coming from. The Future is where our fear is coming from. Now that you have this visual in your mind, let me share with you some practical things we can do to deal with each based on our union with Christ.

  The best prescription to deal with your past is to forgive. The pain of our past is most often the result of the sins other people committed against us. It can also be because of our own sins. Jesus Christ has already died for the sins of our offenders and for our own sins. Ephesians 4:31 tells us to "Forgive one another just as God in Christ has forgiven us."

  If we want to make peace with our past, we need to sit down with God and ask him to show us who we need to forgive. Then in prayer, we can tell the Lord the name of the person who hurt us, what they did to us and how it makes us feel. Biblical forgiveness includes giving the hurt feelings to God and telling Him how the person or circumstances hurt you, and what it made you believe about yourself. We see David in the Psalms being honest about his hurts and what he wanted God to do, then surrendering them to God. This is forgiving from the heart. Saying the other person didn't mean to hurt you is not dealing with the hurt you've received. Forgiveness is owning the hurt and giving it to God. Then conclude your prayer with something like this. "Father, I did not deserve your forgiveness but because you forgave me, I choose as an act of my will to forgive (name of person) even though I don't feel as though they deserve my forgiveness.

  I've discovered in my own life, that I must be intentional about forgiving. I can't wait until I feel like it. When I first understood this, my list of people to forgive was very long. Since then, I've learned the value of keeping my forgiveness up to date with family, friends and coworkers.

  Regarding our future, the best thing we can do is surrender our rights. Fear or anger are often indications that we haven't surrendered a right much like when the Check Engine light comes on indicates we have an engine problem. How does something become a right we need to surrender to God? It comes from a desire that we have turned into an expectation which we have made a right.

  To surrender a right to God, we need to go to Him and ask Him what rights we are holding on to that we need to surrender to Him. Then one by one, give up each right to Him. We are exhorted to do this in Philippians 2:5-7 "Have this attitude [e]in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself..."

  A friend of mine was having a problem with over whelming fear one day when he climbed the ladder to work on his roof. After a couple of tries, he began to talk to God about it because he realized it was a spiritual problem. What God showed him was that he needed to give up the right to fall off the house if that is what God allowed to happen. Once he did this, the peace of God welled up within and he got on his roof with no fear.

  Do you need to deal with your past today? Forgive. Do you need to deal with your future today? Surrender your rights. If you need help, contact us at 704-522-9026 or mailto:info@GraceLifeInternational.com for a free consultation. We provide live counseling and Skype counseling no matter where you live geographically. 

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Free to Fear the Lord

   Before I understood the New Covenant, that is the Gospel, I lived with an unbiblical, unhealthy fear of the Lord. When I or my family experienced difficulty, I believed God was somehow punishing me because I had disobeyed Him and His Word in some area of my life.

   At Grace Life International, we meet people in our conferences and in our counseling who also believe that God punishes them when they sin. They are afraid of God as I was. It's very difficult to enjoy a close relationship with someone when you are afraid of them, especially when it is God.

   Over and over, we have the opportunity to help people understand that our Father does not punish His sons and daughters because the death of Jesus on the cross has taken care of that for us. 1 John 2:2 says, "He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world." Propitiation means that the penalty of every one of our sins was paid for, which took away God's anger for our sins.

   Yet, in the New Testament, we see that we are still to fear the Lord. For example, 2 Corinthians 7:1 says, "Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God." Since this does not mean to be afraid of God's punishment, what does it mean?

   It means that we have such a heightened reverence and awe of God, that we are overwhelmed by His beauty and power of His glory. It removes all sense of human pride, humbling us to the point where it takes our breath away, causes us to fall to our knees, or to compel us to lay flat on the floor as we contemplate the greatness of God.

   When the Apostle John saw Jesus on His heavenly throne as recorded in Revelation 1:17, he wrote, "And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead." (NKJ) John was so overwhelmed by the glory of Jesus Christ, he could not stand.

   John goes on to tell us how Jesus responded to his worship of Him. "But He laid His right hand on me, saying to me, 'Do not be afraid: I am the First and the Last.'" (NKJ) Though he was overwhelmed by the glory of Jesus Christ in Heaven, Jesus did not want him to be afraid of Him even in John's worship of Him.

   Here is an exercise that will fill you with such awe and wonder that you will not be able to restrain yourself from fearing the Lord. Think for a moment how creation exists because God wanted it to exist. Think for a moment how humans exist because God wanted us to exist. Think for a moment how your very existence is because God wanted you to exist in intimacy with Him.

   Just a moment... As I was writing, I had to stop and hit my knees for a moment singing a worship song to God. All of this also causes me to love Him more and to desire with all of my being to obey my God who loves me and lives in me! Let's all live free to fear the Lord! 

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder www.GraceLifeInternational.com 

All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding

Free to Submit to Authority

   At one time, I was planning on being a pharmacist. I had been accepted into the School of Pharmacy at the University of Georgia and was already working as an intern the summer before I started. The store manager and head pharmacist was named "Terry". He was easy to work for but he did mean business when he told me to do something.

   One day, after I had completed a job Terry told me to do, he asked me why I wanted to work for his drug store. I said, "Terry, I am here to make you successful." What I meant without saying it was that I was there to submit to him because I knew that God had placed him in authority over me. He didn't quite know what to say. (BTW it's a good thing I didn't become a pharmacist because I would have accidentally killed someone!)

   What would you think if I told you that you are a "submitter" by nature? That is a made up word but it is a good one. You see, everywhere in God's Word He tells us to obey Him. He is telling us to live like who we already are in Christ. And He tells us to submit in several areas of our lives.

   To submit in the New Testament means to make a choice in our hearts and minds to do what someone over us is asking us to do. This does not mean we will always agree or that we need to submit without sometimes voicing a difference of opinion. But the key here is that we are making a choice to live under this person or institution's authority because it fits who we are in Christ and pleases the Lord.

   We are free in Christ to submit to our government, our boss, our husband, our parents when we are children and mutually to each other. Here are some Scriptures about our freedom to obey God by submitting. Romans 13:1-7; Ephesians 6:1-9; James 4:7; Ephesians 5:21-32.

   Let's be careful, though. We can submit according to the flesh because we want to people please, making it something we "have" to do. The tell-tale sign of fleshly submission is resentment. Submission, according to the Spirit, is something we want to do out of who we are in Christ, even if we don't feel like it. It's a choice we make ahead of time. This kind of submission frees us to give a different opinion at times to those in authority to see if they will change their mind. Then we can leave the results to God being willing to submit to whatever they decide.

   One of the questions about living as a "submitter" is what to do when we are asked to do something unbiblical or if someone wants to abuse us. Of course, God does not want us to submit to those situations but let's just make sure what we are being asked to do is truly unbiblical or that it really is abuse.

   If you find yourself struggling with living as a "submitter" please give us a call at 704-522-9026 and we will provide a free counseling consultation. More and more people around the country are using our Skype counseling option. Once you experience the first appointment online, it's like being there live. Of course, if you live close enough, we invite you to come to one of our five locations including our Asheville office. We also provide 3 and 5 day intensives.

Live Free In Christ, 

Mark Maulding, President and Founder 

www.GraceLifeInternational.com All Content Copyright © 2013 Mark Maulding